Post 1: alot
I was thinking to start writing for a very long time now. But I was always too lazy. But lately this was growing. And I wanted to improve my articulation, so blog is a perfect way ig. I am starting a 30 days blog challenge, where I will write daily a blog. Neel Nanda's is the inspiration behind it. I have not much idea how to format a blog but anyways I will try :).
This blog is about observations about myself, alot of observations. I will not write how to fix them, just complaining here. So, first observation is which I am doing right now is that I perform really well while I work in a timer settings. If I start a timer, and keep looking at it(just to remind myself that there is a timer), my productivity boost, my focus increased. And I m sure when the current timer will end, I will've written a fair amount in this blog.
Second observation is that I am too much distracted. I just keep hopping around from one topic to another. For example, I was looking at someone's else codebase, and they used a specific library, so I got curious. I googled it, checked its github PRs, found a PR, checked who wrote it, jumped to that person profile, open their blog. See, I am god damn distracted. And it is just one example. I will randomly check my phone even tho I know I have no notifications. This doesn't matter if I have a timer or not.
Third observation, I am overly apologetic sometimes which is bad representation for my agency. And I am presenting myself as looser. Ok! I was listening to music while writing this, I forget what I was about to write 😭 🔫.
Fourth observation, I can't ask good questions to someone and sometimes I ask very very stupid question to the point of embarrassment. Asking good questions is an art and I don't have that art. I can talk to someone about something, but I somehow can't come up with something important to ask them. It felt like I'm wasting other person's time. I think this is because I don't have much information about the topic or I m not interested or I don't think much about the topic. This leads to murder of creativity, thoughts. This is also one of the reason I don't tweet and engage much these days.
Fifth observation, the root of all my problems, is not having a proper discipline in my life. I don't make a list of tasks, forget about what I need to do. This is really unproductive and a waste of precious time.
Sixth observation, I am pessimistically positive toward life. I accept whatever happened and just move on. If I reject from a job, then I will tell myself, that's fine, I will work hard next time. Its not a bad thing necessarily and I consider it good since it saves me from overthinking and constant state of sadness.
Seventh observation, I find happiness in really small aspects of life. I remember when I was in school and I used to say this "look for happiness in small things, why are you waiting for big things for a smile, just enjoy". And I still carry it in my bag of thoughts.
There is alot of small observations, but these are the major ones I feel. As I mentioned, when my timer ended, I had written a lot. I will set a 30 minutes timer everyday for writing here. Let's see how it goes. I will improve as I will write more.
Till next time✌️